Title: Losing Me Finding You
Author: Natalie Ward
Publication Date: August 12, 2014
The 29th of February, the day I was born.
When I wake up on this day, I’m in a different city, with a different life and no memory of the lives I had before this one. Today is the tenth time this has happened to me. The tenth time I’ve had to figure out where the hell I am. The tenth time I’ve had to try and work out who the hell I am. This is the tenth alteration of the person I am. Each of us has had different lives, different backgrounds and different families. But there’s always been one constant.
He’s the reason I keep doing this. He’s the reason I spend four years searching. If I’m lucky, I’ll get the trigger and find him quickly and we can spend those four years together before I disappear again. If I’m not, we might get a year, a month or even just a day. Once we got nothing, but that was a choice.
And every time it happens, he patiently waits for me. He says that every time I come back to him, it’s like falling in love with me all over again. I say that every time I come back, I fall even more in love with him than before.
It scares me that one day I won't be able to find him at all, because when that day comes, I'm not sure I'll want to keep going. He is my strength, my protector, my one and only constant.
I love him.
He loves me.
But every four years, I lose myself.
And every four years, I have to find him.
This is our story.
“Aren’t you supposed to be studying,” Ben asks, never stopping the sit-ups he’s doing on the floor of his bedroom. I’m sprawled out on his bed supposedly doing some study for my English final tomorrow, but more distracted by what’s going on in front of me.
I smile at him. “I am studying,” I say, knowing it’s true, even if it’s not exactly the stuff I’m supposed to be studying.
Ben smiles as he does a couple more sit-ups before collapsing back on the floor, his hands behind his head as he stares up at me. “You sure about that?” he asks.
I stare at him lying on the floor beside me. I still can’t believe how unbelievably gorgeous he looks in this life. Can’t get over the fact that Ben is all mine.
“Evie, babe,” Ben says, still smiling. “What are you thinking about?” he asks, a question which seems to come up a lot these days.
I’m sure the look on my face gives me away, but I tell him anyway. “You.”
Ben’s smile gets wider. “Oh yeah,” he says, that cheeky grin out in full force. “What about me?”
I smile as I slide off the bed and onto the floor, crawling towards him. “How good you look,” I whisper, as I lean down to kiss him.
Ben kisses me back as he says, “Good? Just good?”
I can’t help but laugh as I slide my hand up and under his sweaty t-shirt. I feel his stomach contract at my touch and it only highlights all the firmness of his muscles, the warm, tight skin that covers them. “Really good?” I suggest.
Ben laughs now, his eyes still watching me. I’m staring at my hand, watching it as my fingers slowly pull his t-shirt higher. His skin is covered in sweat and I watch my fingers slide over his stomach, tracing the outline of his hips, the trail of hair that leads from his belly button and lower down. I still haven’t found out how far down it goes and right now, that’s the only thing I’m thinking about.
As my fingers brush along his waistband, Ben groans, and I notice the tightness in the front of his track pants. Unable to resist, I lower my hand, my fingers caressing him on the outside of the fabric. He’s already hard and I can’t help but bite my bottom lip, mesmerised by the fact that I can do this to him.
“Evie, what are you doing, baby?” Ben whispers, his voice strained as though he’s trying to keep himself under control. What I am doing is a risk, but right now, it’s one I’m willing to take.
I glance up at his face and see his eyes are closed. With my hand still on his crotch, I lean in and press a kiss to his lips. “I’m studying,” I whisper.
Hey - welcome, thanks for stopping by! What can I tell you about me? I'm a seriously avid reader and probably get way too invested in stories and characters. Have been known to go without sleep just so I can finish a book. I also obviously enjoy writing them, but we'll see how that all pans out!
Natalie is also the author of the I Love You series:
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